


Feeling fine

by KonElDanvers



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:14:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28133760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KonElDanvers/pseuds/KonElDanvers
Summary: Three times that Dani isn't alright+ One time she tells Jamie why
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie, Hannah Grose/Owen Sharma
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33





	Feeling fine

Jamie found it strange when Dani didn't want to come into town to celebrate her triumph over Owen in arm wrestling in the pub. "I'm just tired.", She had said. Jamie had called that bullshit. 

The blonde had been smiling the whole day and had only woken up at 10 because Hannah had promised to let them sleep in. The housekeeper had taken care of the kids and Jamie couldn't be more thankful. 

Not that she didn't adore how Dani as around the children but if she was being honest, having the Au Pair to herself for one morning had been a blessing. So why didn't Dani want to go with her? 

She always was happy to drink a pint and make fun of the guys in town. Jamie sighed. It didn't matter. Maybe it would only be this day. And everyone was allowed to feel down from time to time. 

Jamie would be a liar if she pretended that she wasn't. 

......

When Dani got out of the fancy part that Mr. Wingrave was holding at the Manor, Jamie got worried. 

The blonde had said that she was sick, but truly the gardener had checked and the other woman was as healthy as a horse. 

No cough, running nose or fever in sight. 

She was fairly sure that Dani just wanted to get out of the party, and if it had been any other person, it would have made sense. 

Owen, who liked to be perceived as a party animal but truly was content with sitting around his friends. 

Hannah, who was a introverted woman and liked things to be calm and of course, Jamie who wanted things to be boring. 

But Dani wasn't like that. 

Dani liked people and liked Smalltalk and could make friends while they were waiting for the bus. 

The brunette opened the door to Dani's room. She looked around and stopped at the figure of a certain blonde sitting on the window frame. She hadn't noticed Jamie yet and the gardener took the opportunity to search for something that could answer her question. 

The Au Pair was wearing one of Jamie's flannel shirts and had her hair tied back. Everything normal so far. But than- why were Dani's cheeks so hollow? 

What was the matter with the dark circles underneath the usually happy woman's eyes? Why did it look like she had just been woken up from a nightmare? And the most important question- why had Jamie not noticed that untill now?

"Is everything alright?"

The blonde turned around hastily and could barely hide her shaking hands. "Àhm, yeah."

"Then why did you call in sick for the party?" Jamie's eyebrows were raised with a suspicious look. 

"Not all is fine.", Dani stated.

"What exactly?"

"I just don't feel good."

The gardener stepped closer and raised her hand to Dani's forehead. "You don't have a fever."  
The blonde sighed. "I don't need to have a fever to not feel good."

"But why don't you feel so good."

The Au Paid seemed tired and Jamie started to feel sorry for snapping. "Sorry. I shouldn't ask. If you don't feel good, than you don't feel good. I shouldn't question that."

Dani gave her a small smile. "it's alright. I know that you worry and it's sweet."  
She gave the brunette a kiss on the cheek. "Now get out of here and get ready for your party."

"But you are not going and I would rather stay here with you.", The gardener pouted.

"Nope. Not a chance. You're going down there."

Jamie sighed, than gave her gifriend a peck on the lips. "Next time you're coming with me!", She said.   
Muttering under her breath: "leaving me alone with Hannah and Owen being sappy and Henry trying to xontroll his alcohol consumption."

......

It had sounded like a good idea in Jamie's head. Letting Dani chose a dress as a valentine's present. 

So she had made the proposal to go shopping and that was how the two woman ended up in the mall. They were holding hands and Jamie thought that it had been going great, untill it actually came to picking out a dress. 

Dani seemed to hate everything. 

"Too tight."  
"Too wide."  
"Too green."

To only mention a few things. 

After the eleventh dress, Jamie sat down on one of the chairs that were provided for the costumers and rested her head on her hands.

What had she done wrong? 

Because there was no way that Dani actually hated all of those dresses. She had seen the blonde wear similar or worse things in the part year. So why did she refuse to pick a dress? 

The only explanation truly was that Jamie had done something to upset her. But the gardener couldn't thing I'd anything. She had been a total gentlewoman. 

Holding open doors, getting flowers from the garden and doing pretty much everything right. 

Dani came through the curtains and had an apologizing look on her face. "I'm sorry that I didn't pick anything."

Jamie nodded with a smirk that could have given her the nomination for an Oscar. 

"It's alright, Poppins. Let's just get ice cream"

.......

Jamie had been working late. It was summer and a dry one. The pants needed more care then ever. But even though she wasn't around the blonde as often as she normally used to be, she couldn't miss the way that she smiled less.

How she flinched everyone someone called her and the way that her cheeks became more hollow. Their nights weren't covered with stolen kisses, low moans and close bodies anymore, but instead with Dani turning her back and burrieng herself in a blanked.

Something had changed. 

And still, Jamie didn't know what it was. Had Dani fallen out of love? Had she finally realised that the gardener carried to baggage to truly be loved. That there was now way that someone like her, could love someone like Jamie?

The brunette hoped that it wasn't the case, but even Owen and Hannah noticed a difference withing the Au Pairs behaviour. 

"She isn't smiling.", Hannah had said. "There is nothing of that fire she had when she came here."

And Owen agreed. "She isn't even eating my ice cream cake. My Ice cream cake!", He stated. "I made extra for her because I know that she loves it. But she said that she wasn't hungry. Something isn't right."

And Jamie could only nod but every time she tried to talk about it with Dani, the blonde would change the topic. 

That was untill one day Flora decided that they had to play wedding. "I will be the flower girl and you and Dani get married. It will be perfectly splendid."

And Jamie had agreed. Thrown on the dress that Flora had pointed her to and waited for Dani. When the blonde came through the door, wearing a dress that also clearly had been chosen by the little girl, Jamie's breathing stopped. 

It was simple. And yet. 

It made the brunette dream of a future. A future that now was more reachable than it had been before. They stood before Flora, who was now pretending to be a priest. "You may kiss the bride.", She said and looked from Jamie to Dani. 

And the gardener didn't let it be said twice and kissed the Au Pair. That was, until something seemed wrong. It was like she was kissing a robot. Dani's lips almost mechanically moving against her own. 

Something was wrong and Jamie wanted to scream. To shake Dani. To just finally tell her.

The gardener's heart would break to the news of Dani not loving her anymore, but it would be better than this. This pretending.

It was the evening of the same day and Jamie was lying in bed. Dani once against had turned her back to her. The gardener sighed, but was too tired to say something. 

In the middle of the night, something was touching her shoulder.

The brunette woke up, looking around the dark room. 

"Jamie." A almost silent whisper next to her.

"What is it, Dani?"

The hand on her shoulder moved to hold one of her hands.  
"Can I talk to you?"

Jamie closed her eyes. She was tired, but what was there to lose?  
"Sure."

It took the blonde a few seconds to start talking. "I think you noticed that I haven't been acting like myself lately."

The gardener snorted. An understatement. 

"And I think that I'm finally ready to tell you why."

Jamie sat up straight. What was going to come now? Would they break up?

"The thing is, you know that I grew up very hetero normative."

"Yes."

"And I was engaged and all that jazz. And I got here with the intention of being true. And than I found you and you made me feel alive. For the first time I actually felt like myself.  
And than that stopped."

The gardener frowned. So that would be a break up.

"And at first I wondered if it was because of you, but it wasn't. You were you and you were everything I ever wanted. And I loved you even more than in the beginning.  
It was something else. Something that I wasn't sure about, that I didn't know about but that was lurking inside of me."

Jamie was holding her breath.

"Everything seemed to close in and it was as if something wasn't right. And things started to feel uncomfortable because I was finally letting myself be more me. And than, a few weeks ago, it came to me."  
Dani let out a shaky breath. "I am not supposed to be Dani."

Jamie squeezed her hand. "Could you elaborate?"  
A small chuckle. "Yeah, of course. I am not supposed to be Dani or Danielle, because that simply isn't me. I never felt right in that way."  
"Than who are you supposed to be?"  
"I want to tell you, but I'm scared that I will lose you."  
Jamie squeezed her hand again. "You won't."

"I think that I'm not supposed to be a woman. I think I am a guy."

"Think?"

"I know I am."

There was silence and Jamie tried to think. Would that change anything? Would Jamie not love her- no, him anymore? 

And than it clicked. 

There was no way that Jamie couldn't love Dani, no matter what pronounse or anything really. She had fallen in love with the Au Pair and if that would make the Au Pair more true to himself, that she would be there to support. 

"Can I continue to call you Poppins?"

The blond laughed. "I mean, I don't really feel comfortable with it, but if you want to-"

Jamie broke him up. "Nope, not giving me that. You have to be comfortable with it." 

The Au Pair bit his lip in the dark. "I don't know."

The gardener squeezed his hand once again. "Let me come up with something, I'm good at that."

He laughed. "Sure."

The next day, the Au Pair was waking into the living room while the kids were outside and Owen was cooking. Jamie was sitting on the couch, reading a book. She looked up and smirked. "What's up, Bert?"

He smiled. "You're an idiot, you know that?"

Jamie, proud of herself turned the page. "But I'm your idiot."   
With a smirk on her face, she whispered: "Bert"

**Author's Note:**

> This is what comes out when I'm feeling dysphoric.  
> Either a short story or sad song lyrics.  
> This time Dani had the honour to be the victim of my sadness.


End file.
